A therapist’s gender identity can affect how counselling goes, but it depends on several things, such as the client’s background, the culture they come from, and what kind of issues they’re working on. It’s also important to remember that gender isn’t just “male” or “female”. Some people identify outside those categories, both clients and therapists.
Here are some simple things to keep in mind:
- What Makes the Client Feel Comfortable
- Some people feel safer or more understood when their therapist is a certain gender. For example, someone who’s been through sexual trauma might prefer talking to a therapist who isn’t the same gender as the person who harmed them. Or someone thinking about their own masculinity might feel better talking to a therapist who’s had similar life experiences.
- Past experiences also matter. If someone’s had a bad or good experience with someone of a specific gender, that might affect how they feel about their therapist’s gender.
- What Society Says About Gender
- Our views about gender are shaped by culture and society. In some places, people might expect a therapist of a certain gender to be more caring, smarter, or more in control, whether that’s true or not.
- These ideas can show up in therapy without anyone intending them to. For example, someone might expect a woman to be more nurturing, or a man to be more logical, just because of stereotypes.
- When Gender Is the Topic
- If someone is talking about their own gender identity, sexual orientation, or dealing with gender-based discrimination, it helps if the therapist really understands and respects those topics.
- A therapist doesn’t have to share the same identity to be helpful. What matters is that they are respectful, informed, and open-minded.
- What Actually Makes Therapy Work
- Studies have shown that the most important part of therapy is the relationship between the client and the therapist, aspects such as trust, empathy, and feeling safe.
- Good therapists know how to be aware of how gender and power might affect the conversation, and they do their best to make therapy work for everyone, no matter their gender.
- Feelings from the Past Can Pop Up
- Sometimes, clients bring old feelings into therapy without realising it, such as feelings about parents, teachers, or other important people in their lives. These can get mixed up with how they perceive their therapist.
- The therapist’s gender might affect this. Therapists also need to be aware of their own feelings and reactions, and make sure they don’t get in the way of helping the client.
Final Thoughts
Yes, a therapist’s gender identity can play a role in therapy, but it’s usually not the most significant factor. Well-known experts such as Carl Rogers, Irvin Yalom, and Bessel van der Kolk have all said that what really matters most is the quality of the relationship between client and therapist.
In the end, a good therapist is caring, skilled, and non-judgmental. That matters more than whether they’re a man, woman, or identify outside those categories. But it’s still important to listen to what makes clients feel safe and respected, and to be mindful of gender when it comes up.
Jurgen Schwarz
April 2025